There has been a lot going on here in the Yasko house the last few months; some good, some bad, some weird (that's pretty frequent though). James and I have both been keeping very busy. Since I have basically 3 part-time jobs, it keeps me on toes, and this is an incredibly busy time of year for James. It's been a welcome distraction, to say the least.
On January 30, we found out I was 4 and half weeks pregnant. But almost immediately I started having problems. I was in a tremendous amount of pain and that combined with other things I had a feeling something was not right. I made an appointment with the doctor the next day. They did their test to confirm I was in fact pregnant, but then we spent the next 6 hours at the hospital, running tests, ultrasounds, had 15...that's right 15 viles of blood taken!! All of this for them to say....'we're sorry Mrs. Yasko but we are not able to determine whether or not you are still pregnant.....we need you to come back every day for 2 weeks and have blood taken'. Basically, they believed I had lost the pregnancy, but they were not SURE, so I had to keep coming back. (two days before James' birthday).
The next friday, I get a call from the doctor...my HCG levels are still rising. wait, WHAT!!! This means.....okay awesome, I'm still pregnant!!! Not real sure what to do emotionally, after all, it's been a bit of a roller-coaster so far! I don't really understand what's going on.
We're now to my birthday and now almost 7 weeks. So they keep testing my blood every 4 days now to check my levels. 3 weeks later the doctor calls to say my level had dropped by half....I had not yet lost but I WOULD lose the pregnancy.....I had been in the process of miscarrying for for almost 2 months. The next few days might have been the worst in my life. My doctor actually apologized for what I was going through. They were able to give me medicine because the baby was only measuring about 6 weeks when i was 11 weeks pregnant. It was INCREDIBLY painful. The medicine gave me contractions and ...well I'll spare you the other details.
Emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually....I was spent. James was incredible. He was so supportive and nurturing.
During this time, I was looking for answers to a lot of questions. Mostly about my body, things that were happening, and the toll that it took on me physically. It wasn't until I spent a LOT of time online looking for answers that I realized just how many women go through this! I honestly could not believe the number of women that this happens to, mainly because very few talk about it. Since those of you who read this probably know me pretty well, you know that I tend not to keep things to myself. (things that I find important anyway)
I'm not writing for you to feel sorry for me. I'm a pretty head-strong woman, just ask my family or James. :) Going through this has altered my view of a lot of things. Not to mention my hormones! It changes you. It screws things up. But it also makes you stronger! It has shown me how strong God made our bodies and our minds, what we are capable of and how quickly we can rebound from something like this. I know that there are other things that happen that are much more severe, but for me this was definitely a storm to be weathered.
It do not care that it was early. I do not care that it was my first pregnancy. I care that it happened....and it hurt. It hurt my mind, my body and my heart! To those of you who have suffered with this, my heart aches for you! I pray for you and I hurt for you. For those of you who haven't. Thank God!
I trust in God. I trust that this will happen for us and until then I'll just keep praying.
6 comments:
I am so sorry kami! We will be praying!
I love you. I hope you know that. Everything I want to say sounds so trivial at this point. Trust me when I say that God has miracles in store for you, and when the time is right, you are going to be an AMAZING mother. I'm here for you always.
Kami,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! Like you said, so many women go through storms so similar to yours but for one reason or another, feel like they can't share it. I am SO thankful that you shared it and know that people will stumble onto your blog, not knowing you, and find peace in your story and encouragement that they aren't alone in their storm.
I also know that as all stories go with God, this one WILL have an ending that blesses HIS name and in turn, blesses you and James. I pray that you will get to hold your sweet baby very soon and that you will have "peace that passes understanding" until then. Thank you for your example of faith and strength! You are a blessing to me.
You know I know. This is a crap way to be a mother. With you more than I care to be.
I love you Kami!!!
Kami -
I dont know you, but I stumbled upon your blog... as I was clicking from one link to another... your cake pictures caught my eye, so I read on.... I wanted to give you a word of encouragement. I lost 2 babies when I was in first married (one very similar to your story), and one of the most encouraging things for me was to hear others' success stories... to give me hope for my future. I now have 4 precious little boys.... God had a plan for my life and he took control. I had those babies one right after another, completely unplanned on my part... and looking back, the timing of each of them couldnt be better... hang in there and know that He will provide all your needs. You are not alone, especially as I read the comments of your friends here.
May God cover you with his comforting wings as you are hurting and give you strength and endurance to remain faithful and to share your story with someone else someday...
For now, know that your precious little baby is in the best care possible... right alongside my 2 little ones...
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